It seems that the idea of toxic positivity has taken flight and many are on board. I have given it considerable thought and came to the conclusion that it just doesn’t resonate with me. Any genuine attempt to lift someone up – whether by offering affirmations, a different perspective, or encouragement – is an act of love, and as such cannot be toxic.
Spouting words of positivity at someone who is experiencing a profound loss, or is in the grip of deep disappointment or utter shock, is rarely helpful in the moment, even when the best intentions are palpable through the message. The message is unlikely to resonate while heavy emotions hold the reign over someone’s inner world. Yet the process of looking for silver linings is almost always a worthwhile pursuit, and those words of positivity, even when dismissed initially or shoved deep down for some other time, will find their way out to the surface when they are most needed. And when they do, they hold tremendous power to shake us up and disrupt harmful patterns of self-sabotage. Sometimes it takes a gentle shift in mindset to open us up to a sense of lightness, expansion, insight and inspiration, and we feel set free.
Not everyone knows how to comfort another person in the way that is most helpful and most conducive to healing. Simply holding space doesn’t come naturally to some; active listening, paraphrasing, offering empathy…are skills that not everyone can access readily or use in a way that communicates genuine presence and concern without coming off as patronizing. But many people speak from the heart when they attempt to encourage and empower others to look “on the bright side.” Thank them for their concern and their effort.
I truly believe that when used wisely (at the right time in the right way), the positive spins do not at all have to be toxic, but may very well be helpful. While I may not necessarily believe that everything always happens for a reason, or that “good vibes only” are welcome, the positive affirmations have been a little voice in my head that helped me get through a lot of challenging situations in life…and that little voice still speaks. I have developed a positive outlook on life and a self-serving way of thinking by hearing and considering such affirmations…at the time when I wasn’t deeply hurting. When one is (deeply hurting), surely, putting a positive spin on their suffering and pain is alienating, as the only true way to connect with a person who is hurting is by empathic connection… But after the storm has passed, reminding the person of all that they might already know deep within and helping them find that little voice inside that might have gotten quiet during the onslaught of turbulent thoughts and heavy emotions, can be a truly beautiful offering.
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