When we find ourselves continually giving of ourselves through acts of service, we are quick to think that acts of service are our love language. We give and we give…expecting to feel the love we are trying to show. But instead of feeling the abundance of this ever replenishing and nourishing energy that has the power to not only recharge but also heal us, we find ourselves depleted and resentful.
When we say that acts of service are our love language, do we pause to consider: when we act in service to another, do we do this out of love or out of fear? Are we motivated by the overflowing tenderness we feel towards someone who can use our help, and are driven by a deep desire to make their life just a little more wonderful (or at least just a little more tolerable)? Or are we motivated by fear – by a desire to secure the other person’s love and appreciation which we fear might not be extended towards us if we don’t serve? Or could it be that we question our self-worth and fear that if we don’t act in service towards another, we will not be worthy of their love – or even worthy of the love we extend to ourselves – if our identity is wrapped up in the role of a caregiver? And if that is our motivation, are our acts of service really a love language, or a language we use to manage our fear – a conditioned response we use, often unconsciously, to manipulate others into giving us what we need in return – a sense of appreciation, love and meaning…but we overextend to the point of feeling resentful for the very service we think we are giving out of love?
Could we recondition ourselves to make a conscious choice to serve only when we act in service to love – to think of our acts as expressions of love that cannot be contained in the body but instead flow out as a gift that is reciprocated by the mere act of receiving?
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