Into the Unknown

I stood by the door and took a deep breath,
weighted down 
by the dampness of morning dew 
stuck to the soles of my boots 
and my eyelashes.
Or maybe that’s tears, stubbornly clinging 
to impossibilities.
I want to breathe out the longing,
but it won’t leave me.
Some days the absence of you feels heavier 
than the heart shaped rock paper weights  
I cannot seem to lift off my desk.
And I sink deeper into the mire...
I carry you wrapped around my wrist, 
nestled between the tightly woven fabric 
of my sleeve and my skin.
You’re everywhere I look
and nowhere at all.
And I wish I could run to you
like I do in my dreams,
but my feet move ever so slowly 
and you’re farther and farther away... 
I say to myself, this must be a dream then
because in waking life I can fly...
Realities blur 
and I can no longer keep the stories straight - 
it’s all just a tangle of colors 
and sounds and scents and words.
And I miss you 
like a child misses their loved one 
on a rainy Monday morning in childcare.
But I stay glued to the fogged-up glass
with tears in my eyes and no one to comfort me
with the promise of your return.
So, I open the door and walk up the steps, 
leaving you at the doorstep
the way you left me....undone.
It's just this sticky morning dew 
on the soles of my boots
marking my footsteps up the stars.
I sense a deep shudder from within my core
pulsating upward and outward 
through my toes and fingertips -
and I shake you off 
like glitter...
What a beautiful end 
of my captivity.