What does it mean to give ourselves empathy? It begins with willingness to settle into stillness and reflecting on our current state of mind, emotions and events that triggered the experience of heaviness or unease. Rather than ruminating on them, we offer ourselves grace – for the big feelings, unmet needs, requests that went unfulfilled… For the emotional outbursts, words we said but didn’t mean, behaviors we regret… For withdrawal, silence, inaction… For all of the internal processes and external events we would otherwise be quick to judge.
Self-empathy is a process of coming to a place of acceptance without beating ourselves down or attempting to make others feel small. It is not a process of relinquishing accountability just as it is not a state of victimhood. It is that sweet spot where accountability meets compassion; where we recognize and release any negative self-talk so that we could focus our attention on uncovering the unmet needs that are driving our behaviors. Once we shine a light on these deeper processes, we can begin to find ways to meet our needs in ways that are supportive of the life we want to have.
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