Candlelight
and the smell of rain;
the beauty of the moment moves me to dance,
and I wonder
if you can see me now from up there in the clouds…
I never got to say goodbye.
You left this world in such a hurry,
with a heart full of love and a mind full of dreams,
at only seventeen.
I remember your laugh and the way your eyes would squint
when you’d look at me through the golden strand of your hair;
I remember posters nailed to the slanted ceiling of your bedroom.
I remember everything.
Those evenings we would play with our shadows
and kick dirt on the side of the road;
when we waited to be called in for dinner,
bored out of our minds.
Here and there we’d move our slender bodies
to the beat of some old country tunes
coming from that old tavern our folks loved so much.
We had each other,
even if we pretended that it meant nothing at all.
My brother was little still;
you showed him how to kick the ball really high,
and he’d watch it come down in delight
while you tried to put your arm around my shoulder.
Remember how we walked to the rocks
and watched the waves crash below?
You asked me if you could keep me warm
while we asked the big questions,
to which answers would never come.
Those years passed in a heartbeat.
And then the news…
I never knew what to say when I called you on the phone.
My silence was cold and painful like the future ahead of you…
I am sorry.
I left for a while but never forgot
about the dimples on your smiling cheeks,
or the way you’d brush against me,
as if by accident.
I only saw you once after I came home that year.
You looked good,
strong
alive.
And then you took off to the clouds…
I still choke up each time I pass by your grave.
You’re still smiling there,
forever
in a frame.
2008
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